THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: JUNE 30, 1882

On this date in 1882, Charles J. Guiteau was hanged in the District of Columbia for the assassination of President James A. Garfield.  Guiteau had shot Garfield on July 2nd of the previous year.  Garfield lingered for two months, finally dying on September 19, 1881.  The motive for the shooting: Guiteau was angry at the president for failing to offer him an ambassadorship as a reward for a pro-Garfield speech Guiteau wrote which almost no one heard or read.  In short, the guy was a nut.

If Guiteau's motive for the assassination isn't proof enough of his nuttiness, his conduct at the trial was sure to seal the deal.  He gave testimony in the form of epic poetry.  He passed notes with spectators, often asking them for legal advice.  He even publicly bad-mouthed his defense team during the trial (Hint: you should really wait until after you've been convicted before you start tossing brickbats at the people who are trying to save you skin).  Guiteau was convicted on January 25, 1882 and sentenced to die.

Further reading:

truTV - Charles J. Guiteau

The Assassination of James A. Garfield, By Robert Kingsbury

Wikipedia - Assassination of James A. Garfield

UMKC Law School - Last Words of Assassin Charles Guiteau

ENOUGH ALREADY!

OK, um... I've kinda had it with all the rain.  Can we get a few nice days here?  Preferably on a weekend.  Is that too much to ask?

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE - END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR EDITION

"Shaun, I read your story. You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares 'cause I gave you an A!"

-Mr. Burke (Mike White), Orange County (2002)

I SPAM, THEREFORE I AM

Time for some more tasty treats from my email spam filter:

Denise loves the bulge in my pants
Yeah, it's called my waistline.

Select your model
I'll take a supermodel, please.  Better make that two supermodels.  It's always good to have a spare in case one breaks.

Perform in bed every night
Afraid I'm not much of a singer.  Will a comedy act do?

Make her moan for hours
I take it she's heard my comedy act already.

The feeling is the reality
I thought the reality was the reality.

BUY a degree - The new way of earning a degree
Wow, earning a degree without actually earning it.  That sounds legit.

She will beg you for action
She already does:  "Please take out the trash." "Please mow the lawn." Yeah, keep begging. Heh.

Monster size, monster action
Sounds like the tag line for GODZILLA VS. RODAN.

Don't let stress bother you
If it didn't bother me, it wouldn't be stress.  This is kind of like "Don't let pain hurt."

Lucky People Are Not Born - it is a skill that can be taught!
Enroll in Luck School today!

Don't you need your device to be ready for girls every time you want it?
Sure do!  That's why I use the copper top batteries.

Restore power to your groins
Already done.  Thanks, Duracell!

How to Give a Woman the Best Possible Orgasm During Sexx
Is there such a thing as the worst possible orgasm?

How to Cope With Gender Dyspphoria
I find that adding an extra "p" to dysphoria helps.

Unwanted Pounds could be easily burnt off!
I'll bet you didn't know that unwanted pounds were flammable. Yet another reason to lose weight.

Compelling force will try to tear your zipper every time you'll be with a girl.
Apparently, the latest trend is for girls to carry large magnets in their purses.

Energy to tear her ham wallet
Hey, if she can carry a magnet in her purse, I guess she can carry a ham in her wallet.

How To Get A Girl To Do Anything AAnd Everything In Bed
Like what?  Dishes?  Laundry?  Cook a four-course meal?

Hannibal the Great's - Favorite sexual Positions and Libido Enhancers From Hitsory
Hannibal Lecter's libido enhancers?  Do they include liver with fava beans and a nice chianti?

Where is the G Spot and How Do I As a Man Hit it and Give Her a Great Ograsm
I thought it was wrong to hit a woman.  So, you're saying it's OK, as long as I hit her in this G spot thing?

it's Brian, waiting for your reply
Hi, Brian.  It's John, not replying.  Have fun waiting, dude.

What Women Wish Men Knew About sex -- Women Finally Break Their Silence And Reveal Shocking Facts
Women have been silent?  When did this happen? (ducks to avoid being hit by flying objects thrown by silent, and not-so-silent, women)

Sullivan man still has Nixon's sandwich afteer 47 years
Wow, it's gotta be getting pretty stale by now.  Is it a spam sandwich?

PUTTING THE "LAY" IN FRITO LAY

And leaving no doubt that she's a real chippy.  From NoewsOK.com:

Oklahoma City woman trades sex for case of chips

A woman pleaded no contest last week to prostitution charges, accused of agreeing to be paid for services with a box of chips by a man who said he was a Frito-Lay employee.

Lahoma Sue Smith, 36, was ordered to pay a fine of $1,142 in municipal court from charges from a February arrest.

According to the police report, undercover officers noticed Smith "trying to catch a date" by flashing her headlights at SE 33 and Robinson. Officers said they followed Smith's car and found her with her blouse open and found a man in the passenger seat pulling his pants up.

The man told police he was having marital problems and knew he could pick up a prostitute there.

Smith told police the man told her he was looking for company but he didn't have any money, so she agreed to be paid with a $30 case of Frito-Lay chips he had in the back of his car.

Of course.  Because that's what guys do when they're having "marital problems," they throw a case of snack foods in the trunk and go cruising for some female companionship.  And if you really want to impress the girl, you tell her you're a sales rep for the snack food manufacturer.  Just another way of saying "there's more where that came from, baby." Heh. 

As for Ms. Smith, I won't pass judgment on her until I know whether any of these chips were Doritos.  Let's face it, Doritos rock.  Especially the cool ranch Doritos. 

STUPID CROOK TRICKS: SYRACUSE EDITION

Here's an interesting little story from my former home town.  From the Albany Times Union:

Woman calls 911, then allegedly keys police car

SYRACUSE, N.Y. -- Police in Syracuse said a woman who was annoyed that a police car was blocking her own car first called 911 and then vandalized the squad car. Police said the woman called 911 Saturday to report the "emergency" -- that a patrol car was blocking her car. They said she then keyed the patrol car because they didn't move it quickly enough.

Great plan, lady.  You should've slashed the tires while you were at it.  In for a penny, in for a pound, right?  Sounds like IQs have dropped sharply since I left the 'cuse.

PCS + 20

Twenty years ago today, I boarded a plane at the airport in Nürnberg, (then-West) Germany and returned to the U.S. after a two year tour. My next duty station: Ft. Irwin, CA. I liked being stationed in Europe; I met some cool people, visited many interesting places, and had a lot of fun. But it felt good to be back in the good old U.S. of A. Plus, I got back just in time to see Michael Keaton play Batman on the big screen.

Batman 1989 - Trailer
Uploaded by jedall - Classic TV and last night's shows, online.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop."

-Barry the Baptist (Lenny McLean), Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: JUNE 19, 1975

On this day in 1975, Chicago mob boss Salvatore Giancana, aka "Momo," aka "Mooney," aka "Sam the Cigar," aka "Sam Flood" and aka "Sam Gold," was killed in the basement of his Oak Park, IL home. Giancana was due to testify before a Senate panel later that month. He was shot several times, once in the back of the head, and several times in the face.


Further reading:

Gansters Incorporated: SAM "MOMO" GIANCANA

FBI FOIA file - Sam Giancana

American Mafia: Sam Giancana

Wikipedia: Sam Giancana

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: JUNE 17, 1933

On this date in 1933, outlaw, and former lawman, Verne Miller, along with bank robbers Charles "Pretty Boy" Floyd and Adam Richetti, attempted to free Frank "Jelly" Nash from Federal custody in Kansas City. A gunfight ensued, leaving three police officers, an FBI Agent, and Frank Nash dead.

FBI History: Famous Cases Kansas City Massacre - Charles Arthur "Pretty Boy" Floyd

Wikipedia: Kansas City Massacre

Movie: The Kansas City Massacre (1975)

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is Milla Jovovich. As it turns out, she was born in Kiev, Ukraine, the same city where former Babe of the Week (January 28, 2008) Mila Kunis was born. There must be something in the water in the Ukraine. You can see more of Milla at her official website.

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: JUNE 15, 1933

On this date in 1933, William Hamm Jr., heir to the Hamm's Brewery, was kidnapped by the Barker-Karpis gang in St. Paul, MN.  The kidnappers demanded a ransom of $100,000, which they received.  After the ransom was paid, Hamm was released near  Wyoming, MN.

Further reading:

truTV - Alvin Karpis: Pursuit of the Last Public Enemy 

FBI - Latent Prints in the 1933 Hamm Kidnapping  

Placeography - Hamm Brewery, Saint Paul, Minnesota 

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of our lives, like busboys in a restaurant."

-The Writer (Richard Dreyfuss), Stand by Me (1986)

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: JUNE 11, 1962

On this date in 1962, Frank Morris, and brothers John and Clarence Anglin escaped from the federal prison on Alcatraz Island. The escape took over two years to plan and execute. The escapees used stolen materials to make a raft to escape on and dummies to place in their bunks. They tunneled from their cells into the prison ventilation shaft, through which they climbed up to the roof of the prison. They climbed down from the roof, made it to the water, and paddled away on their homemade raft. Their escape was not discovered until the next morning. The men were never found and were presumed drowned in San Francisco Bay.

Further reading:

"The Great Escape from Alcatraz"

FBI Files: Alcatraz Escape

IMDb: Escape from Alcatraz

I CAN HEAR MY ARTERIES HARDENING

Just had lunch at Five Guys.  I had the bacon cheeseburger.  Awesome, as always.  There was a paramedic vehicle in the parking lot.  I parked next to it.  You know, just in case my heart needed a jump start after the meal.  Thankfully, no defibrillation was required.  I might need a little nap, though.  If I paint eyeballs on my eyelids and try not to snore, maybe the boss won't notice.

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is Terminator Salvations's Moon Bloodgood, who played the hottest A-10 pilot I've ever seen.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

-Darth Vader (James Earl Jones*), Star Wars (1977)


*While James Earl Jones was the voice of Darth Vader, his physical presence was provided by actor David Prowse.

T4

I saw Terminator Salvation last night.  It was OK, but not great.  Better than T3, I suppose, but not in a league with the first two.  Considering the cast and the director (McG, the creator of Chuck), I expected more.  Oh well, I hope TS doesn't mark the end of the franchise.

Oh yeah, and it did feature the two lines you'd expect from any Terminator movie.  Had to have those, or I'd be cryin' foul at the top of my lungs.

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Just chowed down on a delicious gyro. Next stop: Terminator Salvation.

BOLDLY GOING WHERE SHATNER AND COMPANY HAVE GONE BEFORE

I went to see the new Star Trek movie last night.  My wife made it clear she wasn't interested in seeing it, so I figured I'd see it while I was marooned out on Cape Cod.  I went in not sure of what to expect.  I'm a big fan of the original series, and I've seen every episode dozens of times, so I wasn't inclined to be too forgiving if it sucked.  But it didn't.  In fact, it was a damn good movie.  The writers stayed true to the original characters, while providing a sufficient explanation for variations from the original timeline.  The cast was really good, and did their thing without coming off as cheap knock-offs of the original cast.  Karl Urban's McCoy was especially on-target.  I'd see Star Trek again.  I'll definitely buy it when it comes out on DVD.  And I'll be sure to see any sequels they make.  From what I've read, the principal cast members have already signed on for two sequels, which is great news.

Next up: Terminator Salvation.  I think I'll see that one tomorrow night.

BABE OF THE WEEK: GOING GREEN EDITION

This week's babe is Rachel Nichols.  Anyone who's seen the new Star Trek movie can tell you that she looks good in green.

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Another fun-filled week of training with the Air Guard. I'll try to post later if I can get to a wifi hotspot.