FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"Well, this is not a boat accident! And it wasn't any propeller; it wasn't any coral reef; and it wasn't Jack the Ripper! It was a shark."

-Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss), Jaws (1975)

PICTURE OF THE WEEK: CHRISTMAS CARDS!

Hey, I got Christmas cards! A 7th grade class in Albany, NY sent me Christmas cards. My daughter's 7th grade class, as a matter of fact. That was nice of 'em, wasn't it?

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS

Conditions here on Christmas Day at 12:30 PM local: 59 degrees F, clear skies, sunshine, palm trees. Palm trees? Yes, palm trees. Traditional. Christmas. Palm trees. Just like you'd see on a Christmas card. A weird-ass tropical Christmas card.



I went out to dinner with a few friends on Christmas Eve. We went to the local Olive Garden restaurant. I ate so much (seafood alfredo), I thought I was going to explode. After dinner, we went back to one guy's room to watch a movie (Clerks) and drink beer. I was so stuffed from dinner, I could only drink one beer. Tragic, isn't it?

We all went back to work today (Christmas). I don't work until midnight, so I had some down time today. And then boredom set in.

After watching A Christmas Story on TBS and making the obligatory holiday phone calls, I went for a drive in search of places that were open today. The local theater was open, but it was so busy that I changed my mind about going to see Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. Several Jack in the Box restaurants were open. Walgreens drug stores were open until 6:00. Local IHOPs were open until about 5:00. And two Chinese restaurants were open. Only two; I was surprised there weren't more.

At about 4:30, I called a friend who was working the day shift. He was done for the day, so we went out to eat at one of the Chinese restaurants. It was the first time I'd eaten there; it turned out to be an excellent place to eat. I had the sesame chicken. Really good; I'll be going there again, that's for sure. But not for a while. I'm stuffed from eating too much. Again. Apparently, I never learn.

Nothing left to do but wait for my shift to start in a few hours. Almost too much excitement. So, that was my Christmas. With palm trees. Gotta love it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Have a great Christmas, everyone. And if Santa didn't hook you up with that Red Ryder BB gun you wanted, I hope he at least brought you some snazzy new jammies.

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is Christina Applegate, of Married With Children (the most accurate portrayal of family life ever to grace the airwaves).

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE - FINAL CUT EDITION*

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

-Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer), Blade Runner (1982)


*Blade Runner - The Final Cut has just been released on DVD. There's a Two - Disc Special Edition, and a Five - Disc Ultimate Collector's Edition. The 5 disc set includes the all-new final cut, the theatrical release, the director's cut, a workprint version, and tons of extras. That 5 disc set looks like it might make a good Xmas present to myself.

PICTURE OF THE WEEK: ONE STOP SHOPPING

I was on a road trip a few weeks ago, when I took this picture of a sign for a law firm. Interesting combination of specialties, isn't it?

WEEKLY WEIRD NEWS

Watch the skies, keep watching the skies:

Mainers report strange lights in the sky

Strange lights were sighted in the sky over Maine. Maine? I wonder if the aliens got lost. If they stopped to ask for directions, were they told "you can't get there from here?"

Japan Lacks UFO Strategy

Disgraceful! At least Mainers have the strategy of misdirection. The Japanese need to get with the program here.

UFOs and Extraterrestrials: Non-disclosure by Human elites is a short-sighted agenda

I couldn't agree more. The truth is out there, it's time to release it. Damned "Human elites."

Six Positive Predictions for 2008, from SuperLife World Service

According to this article, those damned "Human elites" are finally gonna come clean. It's about time!


And on the big hairy beast front:

Bigfoot makes news again

Something that just doesn't happen often enough as far as I'm concerned.

Bigfoot Prank Almost Results in Tragedy

Bigfoot pranks; they're all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Or gets blasted with a shotgun. Come on kids, do you really want to die in a Bigfoot costume?


And in the world of stupid criminals:

2 Brooklyn Banks Robbed 4 Times In One Week

They were robbed by the same guy, and they were located near his home. I guess that made his getaway easier. Brilliant.
(h/t: Sarah Weinman)

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is Diane Kruger, star of National Treasure (2004), and the soon-to-be-released National Treasure: Book of Secrets. And since I was a day late (and a dollar short) on my Babe of the Week, here's a bonus picture.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"Rough business, this movie business. I'm gonna have to go back to loan-sharking just to take a rest."

-Chili Palmer (John Travolta), Get Shorty (1995)

SNOW!

Just the way I like it, up in the mountains and far away. I don't have to shovel it, and I don't have to drive in it. I took this pic on a recent road trip. Click the picture to immensify.

GETTING SOME OF THAT HOLIDAY SPIRIT

My short story Christmas Bonus has gone live over at Powder Burn Flash. It's a touching tale of love and generosity during the holidays. OK, it's actually the tale of two petty criminals trying to scam some spending money on Christmas Eve. Read it at your own risk. Thanks to Aldo "Mystery Dawg" Calcagno for publishing it.

WEEKLY WEIRD NEWS

More from the world of weirdness:

UFO sighting over Bolton?

In the UK, members of the Bolton UFO society are investigating a recent UFO sighting over the town last week. It was damned considerate of those extraterrestrials to show themselves over a town with its own UFO society. Saves the UFO folks the cost of traveling to investigate. No small thing, what with the cost of gas and all.

UFO evidence being searched for by NASA

A recent court ruling requires NASA to search it's records for, and release, all information related to unidentified flying objects. A lawsuit; now why didn't Fox Mulder think of that?

Spies, Lies, and Polygraph Tape: CIA's Disturbing Extraterrestrial Affair

And speaking of X-Files...

He's on a mission to find Bigfoot ... near Lake Tahoe

The OC Register has a profile of the man who is bankrolling the BFRO.

Bigfoot Search Update

And in further Bigfoot news, researchers searching for the big furry guy in the southeast US have found nothing. And this is news...how?

And, in this week's edition of Tales of Amazing Stupidity:

Man Sentenced in Bizarre Diagnosing Scam

This one's a classic.

A man was sentenced to more than four years in prison for bilking friends and family out of more than $800,000 by convincing them that his wife was a government agent who could arrange to have their medical problems diagnosed by satellite imaging.

I know we're not supposed to "blame the victim," but I think some people are just the victims of their own stupidity.

And on the holiday news front:

Balducci's offers ham for Chanukah

Looking to top the sales numbers they got with their "Pork Chops for Ramadan" special, no doubt.

A friend of mine emailed this picture to me the other day. I figured I'd post it, in light of recent news.

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is pinup model and singer Mayra Veronica, a current favorite of US military men. Mayra recently traveled to Iraq on a USO tour. Here's a link to her website.

ANOTHER DAY OLDER AND DEAPER IN DEBT

In my case that'd be another year older, as of today. Forty-four; damn, time flies when you're alive. Bought myself a little present yesterday; the Clerks-X edition of the movie Clerks. I have no big for plans today. I might go on a little road trip with a couple friends. We have to be back early, as one of them has to be to work by 3 PM. I start working the midnight shift tonight. Ugh. This might be a good time to take up drinking Red Bull.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit."

-Dr. Emmett "Doc" Brown (Christopher Lloyd), Back to the Future (1985)

WEEKLY WEIRD NEWS

Looks like it's Wednesday already. Time for some more of the news you can use.

From the world of, um...space:

UFO’s are with us again

The UFO debate is heating up again. Former pilots and government officials are calling for a reopening of the government's investigation of UFOs. I'd like to throw my $0.02 in here too: I think it's time for Chris Carter to make another X-Files movie. Oh, wait, I guess he is. Cool.

UFO landed in front of former U.S. President Eisenhower and other officials at Holloman AFB

Apparently, Ike got to meet with the aliens himself. How cool is that? No wonder all these yahoos are running for president. You get to meet with aliens. That being the case, I may even run, myself. Is it to late to throw my hat in the ring for 2008?

"Greeting , earthlings. We bring you...tasty snack foods."

Witnesses in the UK recently sighted a UFO that resembled a giant Dorito. Nice try guys, but everyone who knows anything about UFOs knows that they're really shaped like giant Cheez Doodles.

And on the big hairy beast front:

New evidence of mythical Yeti found in Nepal

And what is this new evidence they found? Why, footprints, of course. Major breakthrough here, folks. All they have to do now to prove the Yeti exists is to find one of the creatures alive. Or dead. They are getting really close here. Really close.

Investigators search for Big Foot in Battens community

Researchers are searching for the legendary beast in Alabama. Yo, guys, didn't you read last week's Weekly Weird News? You should be looking in Ohio. That's what you get for not reading my blog.

And in other weirdness:

Viagra Pumps Up Thai Political Race

Some Thai politician is buying votes...with Viagra. Dude, if I'm full of Viagra, I can think of better things to do with my time than vote for some hack politician.

Bracelet Found in Chicken After 25 Years

Some guy's identity bracelet is missing for 25 years, then it turns up in a chicken gizzard. I guess now we'll find out how badly he wants it back.

Hmmmm. Something's Different About You

A Pennsylvania man fled a traffic stop. He went home, changed his clothes, and shaved his mustache. Then he called the police to report his truck stolen. I really want to say something obnoxious and snarky about this one, but this guys dumbassedness speaks for itself.

Court summons Tweety Bird, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck

Just when I thought that the US court system was the most screwed up in all the world, a criminal court in Naples, Italy decides to summons cartoon characters to testify. Hey, just because they're animated doesn't mean they won't tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. So help me Walt.

NONSENSE AND STUFF

More boring details from my life:

It's official! I am no longer a borderline vagrant. I now have money. Thanks to my wife. And Western Union.

The bank can't seem to figure out my ATM card problem. Instead of just resetting my PIN, they're going to send me a new ATM card. Go figure.

I worked a day shift today. Mandatory quarterly training for half the crews. The other half did their training last week. Death by Powerpoint. OK, the training didn't actually cause any deaths, but it did make me wish for death.

I got the Flu Mist vaccine today. Shortly afterward I had a massive headache. Not sure about the cause and effect here, but it did make the "death by Powerpoint" all the more painful.

Another one of the guys I trained with last summer for the aborted Iraq deployment got sent here this week. That makes four of us. He and I and one of the other guys went out to Chili's for dinner. I had the Monterrey chicken. Tasty.

Last, but definitely not least, today is my younger daughter's 12th birthday. I called her a few hours ago. Yesterday, she got the card I sent her. I was happy to hear that. I sent my older daughter a birthday card from Tyndall AFB, FL in 2002. She still hasn't received it. Doesn't inspire much confidence in the Post Office, does it?

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is Hitman's Olga Kurylenko.

STUFF AND NONSENSE

And the details of my life, or what passes for a life these days:

Thanksgiving turned out OK. A couple of us were going to go to the VFW, but we went to the office instead. As it turns out, some of the folks in the unit put on a spread for the people who were working. Those of us who were stranded here with nowhere else to go were invited, so we went. They had turkey, mashed taters, gravy, corn, stuffing--they even had pumpkin pie. It was good. Very good. After I ate my fill, I went back to my room and slept for a couple hours (damn tryptophan!) and watched some TV.

As I type this, I'm down to my last $10 in cash. That's not a typo, there's no missing zero. We're talking ten $1 bills. I went to make a withdrawal at the ATM on Monday and it told me I had entered an incorrect pin number. Bullshit! I did not enter an incorrect pin. I had just reset it before I left NY, and I tested it to make sure it worked. It did. So I called the bank on Monday. The guy said he'd reset the pin and mail the new one to my house. As of Saturday, still no pin. Damn bank. My wife is going to wire me some money later today. Until then, I'll be credit cardin' it.

I finished my training on Friday, so my work environment should settle down some. I'm off until Tuesday, so I'll have to think of something interesting to do.

I went to see the movie Hitman last week. It was pretty cool. If you like violent, bloody, shoot 'em up action films, then this one's worth seeing. Timothy Olyphant plays Agent 47 (the hitman), Dougray Scott plays the relentless cop on his trail, and Ukrainian model/actress Olga Kurylenko plays the smokin' hot babe (which isn't much of s stretch for her).

Thanks to my credit card and the Walmart bargain bin, I've been adding to my DVD collection. So far I've picked up Escape from New York, Big Trouble in Little China, L.A. Confidential, and Last Man Standing. At $5 each, you can't beat it.

My next project: Lunch. But where? It has to be someplace good. Someplace different. And someplace that takes credit cards.