ROCKET CAR!!!

I saw this in the New York State Museum the other day. I went back today to get some pictures.




It's a rocket car, dammit. That's all you need to know. These pictures don't need any more captioning. Rocket car; it just speaks for itself.

What? Oh, alright. Here's a little background on the car:

It was built in 1929 by the Hungerford borthers of Elmira, NY on the running gear of a '21 Chevy. The frame was made of wood, the body of cardboard and linoleum. It had a regular gasoline engine that was used until it got up to about 50 MPH, then they fired up the rocket. Top speed was about 70 MPH--fast for the time, but not real fast. The Hungerfords used to demonstrate the car at county fairs. It made its last "flight" in 1934.

If I wasn't so mechanically inept, I'd build myself a rocket car. Imagine how fast it could be with today's technology. Dangerous, too. We'd definitely need some rules governing rocket car ownership/operation.

RULES FOR ROCKET CAR OWNERS

1. No garage, please. You'll need a hangar for a rocket car.

2. If you're low on gas, go to the next service station you see. Don't bother looking for the cheapest gas. You'll be going too fast to read the price on the sign.

3. If you're worried about the price of gas or the threat of global warming, don't bother getting a rocket car. Get a Prius. Or, better yet, take the bus (preferably one fuled by cooking oil).

4. High octane gas only. And no ethanol. Rocket cars run on dead dinosaurs, not dead corn.

5. Don't let your dog stick his head out the window while riding in a rocket car. At top speed, a bug could rip right through his skull. He'll have to be satisfied with the AC.

6. If you have a teenage son, don't let him borrow your rocket car. This rule is pretty much self-explanatory.

7. No cell phone use while driving a rocket car. You'll be at your destination before you finish dialing anyway.

8. Don't put bumper stickers on a rocket car, the flames'll just burn them off.

9. If a police officer attempts to pull you over, just keep going. By the time you get the rocket car stopped, you'll be out of his jurisdiction.

10. Don't bother with insurance. If you crash a rocket car at supersonic speeds, there'll be no one left for anyone to sue.

BABE OF THE WEEK: ROSE MCGOWAN

Believe it or not, I still haven't seen Grindhouse yet. It disappeared from theaters too quickly. Guess I'll have to wait for it to come out on DVD.

RENT-A-PET

I guess this should come as no surprise.  Via Drudge:

Company Rents Pets to Animal Lovers

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - From the state that popularized purse puppies, drive-thru dog washes and gourmet dog food delivery comes the latest in canine convenience—a company that contracts out dogs by the day to urbanites without the time or space to care for a pet full-time.

Marlena Cervantes, founder of FlexPetz, bristles when people refer to her five-month-old business as a rent-a-pet service. She prefers the term "shared pet ownership," explaining the concept is more akin to a vacation time share or a gym membership than a trip to the video store.

"Our members are responsible in that they realize full-time ownership is not an option for them and would be unfair to the dog," said Cervantes, 32, a behavioral therapist who got the idea while working with pets and autistic children. "It prevents dogs from being adopted and then returned to the shelter by people who realize it wasn't a good fit."

FlexPetz is currently available in Los Angeles and San Diego, where Cervantes lives. She plans to open new locations in San Francisco next month, New York in September and London by the end of the year.

It looks like they're just renting dogs.  If you want a part-time cat, parakeet, or boa constrictor, you're shit out of luck.  For the time being, anyway.  I wonder how long it'll take them to get into electric sheep rentals.

Hey, if this catches on, maybe I can rent my dog out.  It's about time he started earning his keep.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"Dyin' ain't much of a living, boy."

-Josey Wales (Clint Eastwood), The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

X-FILES 2?

More kick-ass news from the entertainment world:

New "X-Files Movie" Next Summer?

During the TCA (Television Press Tour) to promote Showtime series "Californication", actor David Duchovny said that another "X-Files" film was indeed going forward and that "Gillian [Anderson] is onboard."

IGN Movies talked further with Duchovny who claims the reason he was sure about this script was because "I'm actually supposed to see it next week! Before I would just say that [there was a movie] because they told me, but now, after talking to Chris [Carter] -- he's been giving me progress reports - and he actually called yesterday, and said 'Next week, you should have something to read.'"

Hell, half the movies we're getting from Hollywood these days are big screen treatments of TV series anyway. We might as well have one with the original cast. Too bad they killed off The Lone Gunmen, I'd love to see them on the big screen.

THEY LIVE--AGAIN?

Here's some news that, if true, is sure to make Wyatt happy:

Could They Live become a TV series?

Perhaps. A few sites, citing an Empire Magazine interview with They Live star Roddy Piper, report that Carpenter was in talks with SciFi to develop his 1988 film into a TV series for the network.

Unfortunately, that's all we know, and it doesn't look as if the interview is on Empire's Web site. Nevertheless, I think this could be a really cool idea. They Live was a lot of fun in a campy, B-style sort of way, and its not-so-subtle plot of aliens trying to control mankind through subliminal methods is something that could be easily fleshed out into a full series. In the film, Piper's character, John Nada, finds a pair of sunglasses that allow him to see the various subliminal messages broadcast across the city: OBEY, CONSUME, etc.

Looks like maybe Roddy hasn't run out of bubblegum yet after all. I won't hold my breath, but I'll keep my finger crossed.

A SAD DAY FOR THE WORLD OF JOURNALISM

According to a story I saw linked at Sarah Weinman's blog, the Weekly World News is calling it quits in August. What a bummer.

Of all the tabloids out there, the WWN was the best. While the others wasted barrels of ink and killed countless trees to tell us about the antics of brain-dead celebrities, the WWN stayed true to the raison d'etre of the supermarket tabloid: Bigfoot, UFOs, space aleins; you know, the shit that really matters.

In addition to covering the important stories affecting our lives, the WWN also featured the brilliant observations of columnist Ed Anger. Right after I graduated from college, I worked for six months in an archaelogy lab. One of the favorite lunchtime activities of the "labrats" was reading Ed Anger columns. I haven't read one of his columns in about 20 years, but back in the day, Ed Anger was one part Michael Savage, one part Art Bell, and three parts raving loon. He was always complaining about immigrants speaking "chili-pepperese." Classic.

Oh well, I guess I'll need to find a new source for UFO reports. Hell, maybe Bigfoot will start a blog. I'd read it.

I WON! I WON!

I won something. That doesn't happen too often. Thank's to RT for picking my caption in her weekend caption contest.

BABE OF THE WEEK: LUCY LIU

THIS DAY IN (CRIME) HISTORY: JULY 22, 1934

On this day in 1934, John Dillinger was shot and killed by lawmen as he left the Biograph Theater in Chicago, IL. FBI agents under Special Agent in Charge Melvin Purvis, along with officers from the East Chicago, IN Police Department set up a stakeout outside the theater, which was showing the film Manhattan Melodrama.

After the movie, Dillinger walked out with his girlfriend Polly Hamilton and Anna Sage, the infamous "Woman in Red" (she was really wearing orange, but "The Woman in Orange" doesn't have quite the ring to it). Agent Purvis ID'd Dillinger, and the agents closed in. The outlaw ran toward an alley and tried to draw a pistol from his pocket. The agents opened fire, and Dillinger was hit four times. He was taken to a nearby hospital, where he was pronounced dead.



"It's like the coroner said, 'Crime don't pay!' does it?"





Check out the movie trailer for Dillinger (1973), the best (if not totally accurate) movie about John Dillinger.


Dillinger Day at the Biograph (wish I could be there)

FBI Famous Cases: John Dillinger

Crime Library: John Dillinger: Bank Robber or Robin Hood?

Chicago landmarks: The Biograph Theater

The book I'm currently reading: Dillinger: A Short and Violent Life, by Robert Cromie and Joe Pinkston

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do it's usually something unusual."

-John Winger (Bill Murray), Stripes (1981)

THIS DAY IN (CRIME) HISTORY: JULY 19, 1879

On this day in 1879, infamous gunfighter Doc Holliday made his first kill. The shootout happened in Las Vegas, NM (what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?) where Doc owned a saloon. The unfortunate bullet-catcher was a local gunman and former Army scout named Mike Gordon.

The fight started when Gordon tried to get one of Doc's dance hall girls to quit and run off with him. She said no, and Gordon threw a fit. He and Doc stepped outside. Gordon shot and missed. Doc shot and didn't.






"I'm your huckleberry."











Doc Holliday page at Americanwest.com

Wikipedia article about Doc Holliday

LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN

After months of searching, I finally found Lucky Number Slevin on DVD in widescreen format. Up until yesterday, all I could find was fullscreen (what's up with that, anyway? Does anyone really prefer fullscreen DVDs?).

Last night I watched it. Excellent flick. Great cast, cool action scenes, and lots of twists and turns. Oh yeah, and Lucy Liu. You can never have too much Lucy Liu. If you liked Smokin' Aces, Snatch, and 3000 Miles to Graceland, you're gonna love Lucky Number Slevin.

Check out the trailer:

THE WEEKEND REPORT: BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

The last couple days have been so busy that I haven't had much time to do the blog thing. Hell, I didn't even post the Babe of the Week until 9:30 last night. Only the second week of a new feature, and I'm dropping the ball already. No wonder this blog only has 2 or 3 readers. Anyway, here are the highlights of my weekend:

Friday
Take a personal hour, go home early. Furiously prepare for a birthday party (my daughter turned 15 last week) sceduled to start at 7:00 (note: no more Friday night parties; it's Saturdays from now on). From 7:00 to 11:00, a houseful of teenagers. Try to simultaneously stay out of sight and keep an eye on things. Watch season premieres of Monk and Psych. 11:00 PM, kids go home. Mission accomplished.

Saturday
Clean up after party. Make garbage run. Do some shopping. Then it's off to see Live Free or Die Hard. Great. Freaking. Movie. A must-see for action fans. This one had the feel of the first two Die Hard movies (I wasn't that thrilled with the third one).

Sunday
Wife and I take younger daughter to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (older daughter, at 15, is apparently too cool for Harry Potter). Great movie. Darker than the previous Potter movies.

Monday
Back to work. Really busy. Out of the office most of the day.

Tuesday
See Monday.

Tomorrow promises to be more of the same. Such a thrilling life I lead.

BABE OF THE WEEK (UPDATED WITH VIDEO!!!)

This week's hottie is Nadine Velazquez, who plays Camden County's favorite hotel maid/exotic dancer on My Name is Earl.










Special Bonus: Babe of the Week Video!

SOME AMUSING YOUTUBERY

Here's a video that's sure to entertain all the Harry Potter fans out there.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"This is for all you new people: I only have one rule. Everyone fights. No one quits. You don't do your job, I'll shoot you myself."

-Lieutenant Jean Rasczak (Michael Ironside), Starship Troopers (1997)

THIS DAY IN (CRIME) HISTORY: JULY 12, 1861

On this date in 1861, James Butler "Wild Bill" Hickok got into his first gunfight.  He was working at the Pony Express Station in Rock Creek, Nebraska, when a guy named Dave McCanles, his young son, and two of his friends showed up.  McCanles hated Hickok and teased him relentlessly, calling him "Duck Bill" and "Hermophrodite."  Also, he may have come to suspect that Hickock was doing the nasty with McCanles' girlfriend.

Wild Bill was sitting behind a curtain partition when McCanles exchanged heated words with the station manager.  McCanles saw Hickok sitting there and threatened to drag him outside and beat him.  Hickok's reply:  "There will be one less son-of-a-bitch when you try that."  McCanles tried, and Wild Bill saw to it there was one less son-of-a-bitch, shooting him twice in the chest.

Profile of Wild Bill Hickok

Wild Bill Hickok's first gunfight

AND SPEAKING OF STUPID CRIMINALS

This guy may actually be dumber than Kristina Fretter.

Police: Driver arrested after he pulls over detective on LI

BOHEMIA, N.Y. (AP) _ A driver posing as a police officer tried to pull off a bogus traffic stop, but he ran into trouble when the other motorist turned out to be a real off-duty detective, police said.

Robert Lane, 25, was to be arraigned Wednesday after being arrested on charges of criminal impersonation and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle, Suffolk County police said.

Driving an SUV fitted out with flashing lights, Lane stopped the New York police detective on the Sunrise Highway on Tuesday afternoon, Suffolk police said. They said Lane told investigators the detective had cut him off.

The detective became suspicious after Lane drove up alongside him, identified himself as an officer and flashed a small police badge, Suffolk police said. The detective showed his own police ID, told Lane to pull over, followed him when he didn't and called authorities, according to police. The detective's name was not released.

Note to Mr. Lane:  When you get locked up, be sure to continue impersonating a police officer; you'll be guaranteed to get "special treatment" in the joint.

PAGING DR. SCHADENFREUDE

Call me a heartless bastard, but I can't help but find this funny.


Hey, I'm a firm believer in the theory that being stupid should be painful. Otherwise, where's the motivation to be, um... not stupid? And make no mistake, Kristina Fretter (the woman in the video) is an excellent example of stupidity in action.

This time, no Taser involved

SHEFFIELD — Kristina Fretter escaped a drunken driving charge in March when she agreed not to sue after a police officer Tasered her while she was handcuffed. But she won’t have the same out with her two recent arrests.

In a little more than a month, Fretter has been stopped twice — charged with drunken driving after being stopped May 26 in Sheffield Lake and again Sunday night in Sheffield, police said.

“Nobody Tasered her this time, but she did try to prod the officer into using the Taser on her,” Sheffield Mayor Darlene Ondercin said. “The first time she was caught, everything was dismissed. We didn’t want to drop the charges, but it was what was best for the village. Now she has done it two more times. We’re just lucky she didn’t kill anyone.”

Patrolman Edward Long resigned after he Tasered the 32-year-old Sheffield Lake woman inside the Sheffield police station on Nov. 13, 2006. The ordeal was captured on a video camera inside the station, and it showed Fretter being uncooperative during the booking process before Long pulled out the Taser and fired barbs at her, prompting her to fall over.

Ondercin said at the time that she was loath to see the charges dismissed against Fretter, but it was the best overall solution for the village to avoid a lawsuit.

The dismissal of charges was a gift on a silver platter. But the stupid are never content to quit while they're ahead. According to the article, she gave the cops a hard time during both subsequent arrests. And to top it off, she blew a 0.238 on the breathalyzer after her most recent arrest. That's almost three times the legal limit. To quote Forrest Gump, "Stupid is as stupid does." Or, to quote a more educated man:



"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

-Dean Vernon Wormer (John Vernon), Animal House (1978)

BABE OF THE WEEK

She's an actress, producer, screenwriter, novelist--even the daughter of two big-time celebrities, but Carrie Fisher will always be remembered for playing Princess Leia. Here she is sans cinnamon buns.

THE AK-47 TURNS SIXTY

A birthday party of sorts was held yesterday for the world's most popular assault rifle.

Russia marks AK-47's 60th birthday

With his shock of white hair, brown sandals and hearing aid, the designer of the world's deadliest assault rifle took a philosophical outlook as he celebrated his invention's 60th anniversary on Friday.

"It was the Germans who turned me into an arms designer," Mikhail Kalashnikov, 87, said at celebrations in Moscow of the 60th anniversary of the creation of his AK-47 automatic rifle.

"If I hadn't taken part in the war, I would probably have made technology to ease the tough work of the peasants," said Mr Kalashnikov, who grew up in a peasant family in the remote Altai mountain region by the Mongolian border.

Instead, he created a rifle that has become an iconic brand, as symbolic of Russia as vodka and fur coats, and the weapon of choice of guerrillas and dozens of armies around the world.

Mr Kalashnikov started working on his rifle in 1947, driven to design by Soviet defeats in the early years of World War II at the hands of far better-armed German soldiers.

The Kalashnikov quickly became prized for its sturdy reliability in difficult field conditions. It can also be built relatively easily - "in any workshop," he said.

More than 100 million Kalashnikov rifles have now been sold worldwide.

Here are some cinematic tributes to the AK-47:

Yuri Orlov, Lord of War (2005)

Ordell Robie, Jackie Brown (1997)

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity."

-Bullet Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones), Snatch (2000)

THE RETURN OF DICK THE BUTCHER

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."
-Dick the Butcher, Henry VI (Part II) by William Shakespeare.

Life imitates art:

Lawyer attacked in courthouse; man held

LAFAYETTE, Ind. -- A man grabbed an attorney near a fourth-floor courthouse rotunda railing, after which some witnesses said they feared he was about to push her over.

The attack happened Friday soon after a judge ordered Russell Timmons, 48, Lafayette, to pay more than $4,000 in attorney fees in a court case over a traffic crash, officials said.

Others present on the fourth floor of the Tippecanoe County Courthouse intervened and separated attorney Linda Polley, Fort Wayne, from Timmons, who was arrested and jailed on a preliminary charge of battery.

You can see video of this braniac in action here.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

Ya gotta have fireworks on Independence Day, right? The Youtube video below is from the Disney-MGM studios fireworks show on July 4, 2005. Would love to see that one live someday.

NEW FEATURE--BABE OF THE WEEK

I end each work week with a movie quote, so I figured I should also start the week with something interesting. A "Babe of the Week" photo ought to do the trick. Maybe it'll boost traffic. At the very least, it might get Wyatt's attention.

Our first Babe of the Week is birthday girl Yancy Butler, who turns 37 today.

SPAMALANCHE!

Here are the subject lines from some of the high-quality spam I've received lately:

Best prices for impotence

I always thought impotence was free.  Well, I'm not paying for it.  Not one thin dime.

Soggy grain of sand

If sand can't stay crunchy in milk, I guess Rice Krispies don't have a prayer.

What are your thoughts

On a Monday?  I have no thoughts on Monday.  Try me again on Friday.  Maybe Saturday.

Get a bigger instrument

Are you stuck playing the flute, or worse yet, the (tee hee) piccolo?  Guys, if you want legions of adoring groupies, you're gonna need a bigger instrument.  Now is the time for you to upgrade to the trumpet, the trombone (heh, heh--he said "bone"), or even (gasp) the tuba. Don't wait, because SIZE DOES MATTER!  Even in the orchestra pit. 

Change now

See?  Even spamming scumbags can't accept me for who I am.

Hi!  You wish to like it?

Well "Hi!" right back at ya.  No, I was happier hating it.  But thanks for asking.

Can you tell me more

I could tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you.  Which might not be a bad idea.

Viagra and Cialis for everyone

Wow.  Even the women?  What would be the point of that?

Can't believe it

If you can't believe it, why do you expect me to?  Ah what the hell, I'm feeling gullible today, try me.

We don't care about your score

Too bad my high school baseball coach didn't share your attitude.

Like grass seed on steroids

Great, that's all I need, a lawn with roid rage.

Stop being declined for credit

Just don't apply.  If you don't ask, they can't say "no."  That'll show 'em.  Stingy bastards.

Mystery shop locally and keep what you buy

I'd rather mystery shoplift, and keep what I don't buy.