HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

Pictured above: John Trumbull's Declaration of Independence. You can read the Declaration of Independence and learn more about it at the National Archives website.

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."

-Dr. Dave Bowman (Keir Dullea), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: JULY 2, 1881

On this date in 1881, President James A. Garfield was shot in the back and arm at the Baltimore and Potomac Railroad station in Washington, D.C.  The wounds were not immediately fatal, and the president lingered until September 19th when he died of complications from his wounds.  He was the second US president to be assassinated.  Had he been shot 20 years later, medical science probably would have been able to save President Garfield, a point not lost on assassin Charles Guiteau.  "The doctors killed Garfield, I just shot him," Guiteau proclaimed at his trial.  Be that as it may, Guiteau was convicted of murdering the president in January of 1882.  He was executed on June 30, 1882.


Further reading:

truTV - Charles J. Guiteau

The Assassination of James A. Garfield, By Robert Kingsbury

Wikipedia - Assassination of James A. Garfield

UMKC Law School - Last Words of Assassin Charles Guiteau

Nobody Move - THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: JUNE 30, 1882

BABE OF THE WEEK

This week's babe is Oscar-winning French actress Marion Cotillard. She plays Billie Frechette, John Dillinger's girlfriend, in the movie Public Enemies, which opened in theaters today.

CASEY JONES, YOU'D BETTER WATCH YOUR SPEED

Check out this study in brilliance from the Albany Times Union:

Woman on tracks to 'clear her mind' hit by train

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. -- Birmingham police said a 22-year-old woman has suffered a broken leg after being hit by a train. Officer Lawrence Billups said the woman told police she was lying on the tracks "to clear her mind" when the train approached around 7 a.m. Sunday.
     
Billups said the CSX train was moving about 10 mph when it hit her. The train's operator told police he tried to stop.

She was on the tracks to clear her mind.  What do you want to bet that she cleared out the other end instead?  I guess some folks really don't know their head from their ass.

THIS DAY IN CRIME HISTORY: JUNE 30, 1882

On this date in 1882, Charles J. Guiteau was hanged in the District of Columbia for the assassination of President James A. Garfield.  Guiteau had shot Garfield on July 2nd of the previous year.  Garfield lingered for two months, finally dying on September 19, 1881.  The motive for the shooting: Guiteau was angry at the president for failing to offer him an ambassadorship as a reward for a pro-Garfield speech Guiteau wrote which almost no one heard or read.  In short, the guy was a nut.

If Guiteau's motive for the assassination isn't proof enough of his nuttiness, his conduct at the trial was sure to seal the deal.  He gave testimony in the form of epic poetry.  He passed notes with spectators, often asking them for legal advice.  He even publicly bad-mouthed his defense team during the trial (Hint: you should really wait until after you've been convicted before you start tossing brickbats at the people who are trying to save you skin).  Guiteau was convicted on January 25, 1882 and sentenced to die.

Further reading:

truTV - Charles J. Guiteau

The Assassination of James A. Garfield, By Robert Kingsbury

Wikipedia - Assassination of James A. Garfield

UMKC Law School - Last Words of Assassin Charles Guiteau

ENOUGH ALREADY!

OK, um... I've kinda had it with all the rain.  Can we get a few nice days here?  Preferably on a weekend.  Is that too much to ask?

FRIDAY MOVIE QUOTE - END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR EDITION

"Shaun, I read your story. You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares 'cause I gave you an A!"

-Mr. Burke (Mike White), Orange County (2002)

I SPAM, THEREFORE I AM

Time for some more tasty treats from my email spam filter:

Denise loves the bulge in my pants
Yeah, it's called my waistline.

Select your model
I'll take a supermodel, please.  Better make that two supermodels.  It's always good to have a spare in case one breaks.

Perform in bed every night
Afraid I'm not much of a singer.  Will a comedy act do?

Make her moan for hours
I take it she's heard my comedy act already.

The feeling is the reality
I thought the reality was the reality.

BUY a degree - The new way of earning a degree
Wow, earning a degree without actually earning it.  That sounds legit.

She will beg you for action
She already does:  "Please take out the trash." "Please mow the lawn." Yeah, keep begging. Heh.

Monster size, monster action
Sounds like the tag line for GODZILLA VS. RODAN.

Don't let stress bother you
If it didn't bother me, it wouldn't be stress.  This is kind of like "Don't let pain hurt."

Lucky People Are Not Born - it is a skill that can be taught!
Enroll in Luck School today!

Don't you need your device to be ready for girls every time you want it?
Sure do!  That's why I use the copper top batteries.

Restore power to your groins
Already done.  Thanks, Duracell!

How to Give a Woman the Best Possible Orgasm During Sexx
Is there such a thing as the worst possible orgasm?

How to Cope With Gender Dyspphoria
I find that adding an extra "p" to dysphoria helps.

Unwanted Pounds could be easily burnt off!
I'll bet you didn't know that unwanted pounds were flammable. Yet another reason to lose weight.

Compelling force will try to tear your zipper every time you'll be with a girl.
Apparently, the latest trend is for girls to carry large magnets in their purses.

Energy to tear her ham wallet
Hey, if she can carry a magnet in her purse, I guess she can carry a ham in her wallet.

How To Get A Girl To Do Anything AAnd Everything In Bed
Like what?  Dishes?  Laundry?  Cook a four-course meal?

Hannibal the Great's - Favorite sexual Positions and Libido Enhancers From Hitsory
Hannibal Lecter's libido enhancers?  Do they include liver with fava beans and a nice chianti?

Where is the G Spot and How Do I As a Man Hit it and Give Her a Great Ograsm
I thought it was wrong to hit a woman.  So, you're saying it's OK, as long as I hit her in this G spot thing?

it's Brian, waiting for your reply
Hi, Brian.  It's John, not replying.  Have fun waiting, dude.

What Women Wish Men Knew About sex -- Women Finally Break Their Silence And Reveal Shocking Facts
Women have been silent?  When did this happen? (ducks to avoid being hit by flying objects thrown by silent, and not-so-silent, women)

Sullivan man still has Nixon's sandwich afteer 47 years
Wow, it's gotta be getting pretty stale by now.  Is it a spam sandwich?